You’re probably wondering, “How can I get fake news to work for me?” The President, Kelleyanne Conway, Sean Spicer, and the whole crew make it look so darn easy! Just imagine how liberating it would be for YOU to be divorced from any kind of verifiable reality!!
Fortunately, the cagey methods the administration’s been pioneering so successfully are now being made available TO EVERYONE in our FakeNews4U online syllabus from Trump Educational Enterprises (formerly Trump University). In this easy-to-follow instructional series, you’ll learn how the masters change the subject with preposterous conspiracy theories, conflate wildly different issues, boil down incredibly complex issues into five-word catchphrases, and last but not least, blame anyone else!
Here are just a few testimonials from REAL PEOPLE who’ve taken the course —
Peter T: Two nights ago I came home at three in the morning. My wife noticed some lipstick on my shirt collar, and asked me where that came from. Luckily, I’d just watched Kelleyanne’s Deflection Dodge, and smoothly replied, “I hope we can get to the bottom of that, but what the American people really want to know is why Obamacare has been an unmitigated disaster, costing billions of dollars while making it impossible for everyday folks to pay for the ballooning premiums.” It worked like a charm!
Sonya B: I recently backed into a police car in a supermarket parking lot and broke off the side view mirror. The officer came over, and boy, was he angry! I remembered President Trump’s terrific lesson, The Suspicious Aliens Act. I informed the policeman that an Hispanic man had walked right in front of my car carrying something that looked like a baby, or maybe a bomb. The officer ran off to look for the suspect. I drove home!
Willard V: Last month I was on trial on racketeering charges and I was pretty sure I’d be sentenced to heavy jail time. Then I watched Sean Spicer's FakeNews4U segment on Change the Conversation. Using his techniques, I was able to testify that my computer had been hacked by Hillary Clinton, and that the whole thing was actually a "false flag" to discredit Trump supporters like me. I got off with a few months of probation! I’d recommend FakeNews4U to everybody!
So don’t delay. Free yourself from unpleasant reality-based consequences! This offer is good for a limited time, until some namby-pamby commie state attorney general sues the administration for fraud.
Disclaimer: Fakenews4U is offered without any guarantees or warranty. Trump Educational Enterprises makes no warranties of any kind, either express or implied, including but not limited to assertions of effectiveness, coherence, truthfulness, or of even rational thought. Use of the product by a user is at the user’s risk. If you call us, we won't answer the phone, and any attempt to seek redress by legal action will be construed as an act of treason.